In a large saucepan, heat the oil or butter over medium heat. Add the onion and jalapeno and cook until soft, about 4 minutes. Stir in the garlic and cook for one more minute.
Add the cream cheese and 1 cup of the milk and stir until melted, this will take about 3 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
Turn the heat to low and add the shredded cheese, 1/2 cup at a time, stirring constantly, until all of the cheese is added and melted. Make sure the heat isn’t too high, you want it to melt slowly. Once all of the cheese is melted, add the remaining 1/4 cup of milk.
Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the green chiles, tomato, and cilantro. If you are using the chipotle in adobo pepper, stir that in as well. Taste and season with additional salt and pepper, if necessary.
Pour the queso into a serving bowl and garnish with a little pico de gallo, diced avocado, and fresh cilantro. Serve immediately with tortilla chips.